I want to wear this one!

Which hats do you wear? It is only 7.30 am here in not so sunny Spain and so far the hats I have worn are:-

My cross Mummys hat- why do children wake up early on a Saturday, yet have to be dragged out of bed during the week.

My chefs hat- why does one of my daughters insist on asking for the one thing I don't have when I ask what they want for breakfast.

My zookeepers hat- battling my way through 5 cats and a rabbit, without tripping over one of them, to get them fed.

My laundrette hat- why is my washing machine always full? Are the rest of the village sneaking into my house at night and dumping their dirty clothes in my machine?

By the end of the day I will also have worn:-

My holiday camp entertainments organisers hat- "What are we doing today, Mummy?"

My psychologists hat- having 2 almost teenage daughters means this hat is getting worn more and more! also a few sessions of self analysis seem necessary these days!

My chefs hat- numerous times.

My cleaners hat- never really take this off, just put other hats on top of it!

My saints halo- helps me gather up enough patience to deal with afore mentioned animals,children and grumpy ex-husband.

My taxi drivers hat-my daughters forget they have bikes and those things that dangle from the bottom of their boddies....legs

I have probably forgotten a few hats but you know which hat I want to wear....the one at the start of this blog. Just for a day or two I would love to wear a frivilous, pretty, non useful hat. A hat that signifies fun and no responsibilities. But having said this, after a couple of days I would miss all my other hats. Perhaps I am more of a cosy,sensible woolly bobble hat than a Alexander McQueen creation.

What kind of hat are you?

Weekend upon us and for many that means Sunday is spent trying to coordinate a Sunday lunch-Don't do it! Enjoy your Sunday!

Sunday Lunch in a Tin.

Take heaps of vegetables- carrots,onions,swede,peppers,celery, tomatoes etc and roughly chop them and put them in the biggest roasting tray you have.Add lots of salt and pepper, rosemary (fresh or dried), bay leaves and garlic (crushed or just chuck in whole cloves). Drizzle with Olive oil and put in hot oven for 40 minutes. After 40 minutes place chicken breasts or pork chops on top of veggies. More salt and pepper and olive oil and back in oven for 40 minutes (or until meat cooked) Serve from roasting tray with potatoes (mashed,boiled or roasted) if you can be bothered to make them, or some lovely fresh bread. Gravy optional!

Time saver- you can do all the roasting of vegetables the day before, so you only have to chuck some meat on top and voila- Sunday roast in 40 minutes!

What's Up Doc.

No recipe today,sorry! Friday night in our house is Princesses Night. My two girls and I get our pyjamas on early, watch a chick flick and eat pizza! I suggest you do the same! Main event of the day- our house rabbit Poppy became an outside the house rabbit. Let me explain:-

Pleeeeese Mummy!

“Please Mummy! Pleeeeeese! I have wanted one for like forever. All my friends have one. I promise I will take care of it. I swear on my sisters’ life”

I could be explaining my daughters’ desperate need for numerous things- a bike, a Nintendo, a computer, a Roxy jacket etc , but no what she wanted was a rabbit. Before the rabbit she “neeeeeeeeded” to have a hamster. I can just picture the poor rodent cowering in its’ cage as my three cats stalk round it licking their whiskery chops. Before the hamster it was a guinea pig. Before the guinea pig it was a fish- but not a pretty goldfish type fish, one of those weird fish that suck on to the side of the fish tank. For goodness sake where is the fun in watching a pair of big lips slide found a glass bowl? Before the fish it was a terrapin- until her friends’ terrapin bit her. My daughter is like one of those nippy, yappy terrier dogs- once she is on a mission she never shuts up and she never lets go.

So, this time she must have caught me at a weak moment and I agreed to her having a rabbit. As soon as I uttered the word “yes” I knew I had made a huge mistake. I tried to justify my decision to others, and myself, by saying- she is now 11 and therefore mature enough to take care of the rabbit; it will be an excellent way for her to learn to be more responsible etc. etc. Friends and family gave me that sad, how deluded are you look. Wake up and smell the coffee Kate. This is Robyn we are talking about. Robyn who thinks that coats belong on the floor with the wet towels and dirty clothes. This is Robyn who can’t see the sense in making your bed because you are just going to get back into it later. This is Robyn who thinks all available space in our home should be filled with her “stuff”. This is Robyn whose school bag contains scary, mouldy stuff and whose gym bag should have a “Risk of Contamination” sign on it. This is Robyn who is so lazy she would rather talk like the man in the Mr. Kipling adverts than blow her nose. This is Robyn who rather than brush her hair cuts the tats out. Anyway, I had agreed….enter Poppy.

First we had to buy all the necessaries for Poppy- cage, water bottle, food bowl, snacks, special baby bunny food, brush, collar and lead (yes, really!),vitamin enhanced, wooden, chewy sticks and hay. How on earth do rabbits in the wild survive without all these things? All prepared (or so I thought) off we went to get Poppy.Oh, so cute! A little ball of golden, silky, fur. One ear up and one ear down, little twitchy nose- she could melt even the hardest of hearts. Little cotton wool tale, shiny black eyes and ……teeth. With those teeth came phase two of buying necessaries for Poppy- blankets to protect my sofa, covers for all electrical cables (the video cable was the first of Poppys’ victims), patches to mend clothes and boxes to store toys (we now have a very scary looking “Phantom of The Opera Barbie”- no nose and half a face!)

We wanted Poppy to be a house rabbit; freedom to hop and jump wherever her sharp, clawed little feet wanted to. All fine and dandy until you find your house covered in little chocolate like balls and you sit on a patch of warm rabbit wee. Super, until you see your house slowly disintegrating in front of your eyes. Perfect, until you go to tie your shoelaces and realize they are no more. We wanted Poppy to be human friendly; Robyn was to spend quality time with her every morning and night. But do you realize how busy an 11 year old is? There’s hair to be straightened; outfits to be chosen; computer games to be played; vital conversations on Messenger to be had (after all a girl has so much to tell her school friends; the ones she saw only half an hour previously!). The list goes on and that is before the tedious tasks of homework, brushing teeth, showering etc enter in. So, who gets quality time with Poppy? Muggings here. Who cleans out Poppys cage? Yours truly. Who chases Poppy round the room in a vain attempt to brush her? Moi.

I suppose I shouldn’t complain- she could have neeeeeeeded a horse or a pot bellied pig. Next time I am getting straight on to Amazon and buying one of those DVDs of a virtual fish tank. Actually, I wonder if they do a horse one?

Animal lovers do not panic- Poppt now has a luxury home outside (with light and everything) and a huge terrace to try and chew her way through!

True story- unfortunately!

Just a quicky! Just returned from local bread shop and I am still burning from embarrassment! I have had a bit of a cold recently and coming into the shop out off the chilly street set my nose running. Thank goodness for that tissue I could feel tucked up my sleeve. The bread shop was packed with locals chatting and gossipping but all went silent as I produced a pair of my knickers out of my sleeve! Somewhere along the washing,drying,ironing and putting away system, these knickers had escaped detection!!! What to do? Carry on as if this was a perfectly normal thing to happen or make a hasty exit from the shop? I guess we will be using the trick mentioned in my previous blog entry- reheating yesterdays stale bread!!!!!!!

P.s- They weren't even pretty knickers- more like the old comfortable ones we all love but deny having!

Anyone else out there have this problem?

I.S.N Syndrome

Not a problem. Yes, of course. Not a big deal. Anytime.

Damn it, bugger it I’ve done it again. Why the flip can’t I say NO? So now I have to race like a Formula One driver to pick up someone elses kids before I collect my own. Parking will be a nightmare, it’s pouring with rain, I will have to provide healthy snacks, not the usual convenience rubbish, all children to mine, four lots of homework, four lots of unpredictable hormones and why- because Janet is going to the hairdressers. The need for her to have her roots done has sent my: night before, perfectly planned schedule spiraling into that universe called chaos.

I am not angry at Janet. I am angry at weak, pathetic me. I have always suffered from this illness. It should appear in the Medical Journals-I.S.N Syndrome (Inability to Say No).This illness clashes like Tina and Ike with my other disorder, O.C.D (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder).That one minute phone call, that one, perfectly, reasonable request has turned me into a gibbering wreck. Must reorganize. Must recalculate. Think…. Oh my God, I don’t have enough car seats. What if I have an accident? “Hi Janet, sorry I have broken your children” What if the police stop me? “I know officer but, can we keep this short, I haven’t done my ironing yet and it’s on my list of things “I must do TODAY!”

It’s always been this way:-

Kate, you’ll lend Sally your Barbie, won’t you?
I’ll give her Flicker the pony too?

Kate, you don’t mind editing the school magazine do you?
My pleasure.

Kate, you have the time to organize the last minute reunion don’t you?
Absolutely.

Kate, you’ll help take sixty, hyperactive children to the zoo won’t you?
Would love to!

Kate, could you look after our dogs, cats, tarantula and boa constrictor while we are on holiday?
Yes, you know me and animals.

Kate, would you mind bending over backwards, wrapping both legs round your neck and doing a cartwheel?
Not a problem.

Kate, any chance of you jumping off that bridge for me.
Wheeeeeee-here I go!

N. O- only two letters. I have tried, I have practiced in the mirror, (practiced it with a slight shake of the head, with an apologetic shrug of the shoulders). But the moment comes and I just say YES immediately or start burbling rubbish as to why I can’t help; and then say YES. The aftermath? Running round like a headless chicken, panic, brain burn out, nausea, verbal self abuse.

Good old, dependable Kate-she’ll do it. I seethe with anger at not being able to say THAT word. I am jealous of all of you who can. One day this worm will turn. One day I will stun you –“NO sorry I can’t. NO can do. NO, not possible today” Shock, horror Kate said NO! I want that moment captured on film.

Oh, hang on phone call.

“Of course I can have your three children over the Bank Holiday weekend, Sally whilst you go off to a spa to relax. No, we didn' have anything planned that can't be changed. No,I won’t forget they are not allowed gluten or dairy product- no problem!”

Damn!!!!

Now you lot- no sitting there feeling all self righteous and thinking how stupid I must be. Honestly how many of you have said YES to something when what you were really thinking was NO? How many times have you suddenly found yourself with unexpected (and sometimes unwanted) extra people for lunch or dinner? Don' t panic! Here are some pasta based store cupboard recipes to save the day!

I am hoping your store cupboard and fridge contain the following:-

Pasta-Spaghetti/macarones/bows/wierd cartoon shaped ones..whatever.

A jar of Pesto

chilli sauce or oil or dried chillies

Parmesan (or any other cheese- except cheese squares!!!)

A jar of tomato pasta sauce

olive oil

Pasta x 3

1. Cook spaghetti as per instructions on the packet. Once you have drained it add lots of pesto, mix well and add a few good handfuls of whichever cheese you found lurking in the fridge.

2.Set oven to 180 degrees C. Cook macarones or whichever shaped past you have. Transfer to an oven proof dish and cover with tomato sauce, mix well, season with black pepper, add lots of cheese, cover with foil and into oven to heat until piping hot and cheese all gooey.

Variation on this, incase you found your cupboard tomato sauce free, use condensed mushroom or chicken soup.

3.Not always suitable for children but really quick and easy to prepare for surprise, hungry, adult invasion! Best not to use freaky Loony Tunes shaped pasta for grown ups but if that is all you have,so be it! Cook pasta as per instructions on the packet. Drain and put it back in the pan you boiled it is (saves on washing up and means you don't have to pre heat a serving dish) and whilst still hot crumble on a few dried chillies and add a few good glugs of olive oil. Lots of grated cheese (parmesan is best) and serve!

How many chillies depends on how spicy you and your friends like things. I love really spicy food so if I like the unexpected guests I tone down the chilli heat, but if I don't like them I'll add a couple extra!

Serve any of the above with any salad you can find or, if the lettuce has seen better days, slice up some tomatoes and dress with oil and vinegar and season with salt and pepper. Yes, I know most children don't like salad but....tough!

Got no fresh bread? Just warm yesterdays bread in the oven and for about 10 minutes it will have the texture of fresh baked bread- insist they eat the bread whilst it is warm (really what you are trying to avoid is it turning rock hard after the afore mentioned 10 minutes!!!)

Dessert........Ice cream (with or without smashed up choccie balls on top)

Another tool to my belt!

My other feel good experience was that I managed to fix our toilet! Yes, me alone- well I had spectators (2 children, 5 cats and 1 rabbit). Ok, so a plumber could have fitted a whole heating system in the time it took me but I did it in the end. Only lost my temper twice, only once thought about smashing it to smithereens and only growled at my daughters a few times! Problem was I was looking for the ballcock (I have always had a problem locating these!!!!!!!) and now modern toilets don't have the same system or they have changed shape! But we now have flushing toilet and I have another tool to add to my belt!
Treated myself to a big mug of tea and a bacon sandwich (oozing with butter and brown sauce)- suitable breakfast for a would-be plumber!

P.s I used brown bread to pretend I was being healthy!

Good Feeling

They say "simple things please simple minds"- so what! I think even a genius must get that "good feeling" from simple things like the smell of freshly baked bread.I haven't tried making my own bread yet(seems like alot of work) but I love to stand outside our local bread shop inhaling deeply!. How can Mr/Ms. high I.Q not enjoy the smell of fresh cut grass-warning, as this is a foodie type page, I am not suggesting you munch on grass for breakfast! Which college professor does not sigh with happiness when they return from work to the smell of homecooking (unless they have returned late and the dinner is burnt or already in the cat or dog or bin!)Tell me of a high flying business person that can walk into a chocolate shop and not start salavating! Freshly ground coffee, Sunday roast, cakes baking in an oven, a good curry simmering on the hob etc.
Oh, I feel a Julie Andrews Sound of Music song coming on and I have only mentioned a couple of simple things, and only those affecting our sense of smell! Simple things are great and should be enjoyed to the utmost!
One of the simple thigs that made me feel great this morning- I have 4 followers to my blog! Ok, one of them is me, but who cares!

My Granny Mushroom lived to the splendid age of 92. Her secret to a long and happy life? Full fat, sugar loaded lovingly prepared memories. I have a mental treasure chest full of childhood memories; some not happy, but the majority dripping with sticky sweetness; a chocolate box of wonderful family moments.

Remember Easter Bunnies and Easter egg hunts? You gorged on shiny, aromatic chocolate until you nearly were, or were, sick. Bunny hop to today- Easter egg hunts are gone-no one can be bothered. Chocolate replaced by cash- a healthier option!

Remember, Remember the Fifth of November- The bonfire and Guy so lovingly constructed. Hero worshipping your Dad as he set off fireworks in the back garden. Thawing out numb, mitten clad hands with charred potatoes from the embers. Standing too close to the fire to melt marshmallows.Flash forward to now-Firework displays are military style, organized events. Burning Guy Fawkes dummies not politically correct. Bonfires considered a hazard.

On the First day of Christmas…. (This, by the way was in December not October!) All your senses bombarded -twinkling lights and gaudy decorations; the heady scent of pine needles and oranges; carol singing; writing to Father Christmas; excitement and worry (had you been good ALL year?) My Mums Christmas Dinner- a full fat, taste bud extravaganza-hours in the making; minutes in the devouring. After lunch games; charades and Monopoly. Dad always cheating

Hitch a sleigh ride to the Twenty First Century- By the time Christmas arrives we are sick of it (we’ve been celebrating it for eight weeks already). The plastic tree is looking dusty. No more going carol singing- that sweet old lady answering the door could be a mass murderer or, sue you for disturbing the peace. An e- mail is sent to Santas website instead of posting the hand written version to “Santa at Greenland”; but actually who cares, children early on now stop believing in him. Plastic covers are pierced, and, perfectly formed veggies are popped in the microwave. After the tasteless, odorless meal; TV on and Nintendo’s fired up.

Life is full of tests and challenges. Make your own choices and face up to the consequences. If you want something-get out there and grab it. Work for it, suffer for it. Use your imagination and intuition to make it happen. Realizing you have made mistakes is a bitter pill to swallow; and I have made a medicine cabinet full of them; but they have helped me be who I am today. Mine, thank goodness, was a childhood of gnawing on chicken wings, not nibbling on processed, chicken nuggets.

Childhood was full of challenges .Competitive sports; being top of the class; surviving bullies in the playground; entertaining yourself all summer holiday, with just your bike and Barbie Doll. Working for pocket money; newspaper rounds and washing cars. Walking to school-whatever the weather. Chicken pox parties. No skiving off school unless you were at deaths door. Surviving obligatory, family Sunday expeditions – without special walking boots or picnic basket. Caravan holidays; four living in the space the size of a toilet. We wrote letters to pen pals. We played I Spy and sang Ten Green Bottles on car journeys. A treat- Saturday afternoon at the cinema; without parents!

Now fast forward to the scene today. They exit the womb into a cotton wool wrapped, sterilized, vaccinated world. Everything dished out on a nice, clean, plate- no fat or gristle to chew on. Football is too dangerous to be played in the school yard; in fact competition on the playing field or in the classroom is frowned upon. Playgrounds are perilous, areas rife with broken bones and perverts. Summer holidays; a whirlwind of outings and over stimulation. Pocket money given without worth- heavy newspaper bags can hurt backs and car washing, chap hands. Buses or cars replace those extensions of the bodies called, legs. Chicken pox? They stay off school with a wobbly tooth or one of the many allergies they all seem to have (were there that many allergies when I was young?) Package holidays; pre-packed, dainty picnics; communication through messenger and secret code text messages. Saturday cinema? Who needs it, it will be out on DVD soon.

Our children lack E numbers- Emotion, Excitement, Exceptional moments, Energy. Come on, we are the parents- we have control over this, don’t we? We must prepare the next generation for the reality of life. They need to suck on the fat, chew on the bones, gag on the gristle and rip that turkey apart Henry the Eighth style.

Finally- The Recipes!

The following are perfect for warming up after your 20 seconds of super expensive and somewhat disappointing fireworks (unless you have been very silly and are actually on your way to casualty with a nasty burn!) But you don’t need to wait until Bonfire Night to enjoy the recipes below (yes, I have just realized I’ve missed November 5th!!!) and you don’t need to have children to enjoy children’s’ food. All of us have a secret desire to eat kid’s style food. We are constantly bombarded with haute cuisine, nouvelle cuisine, lean cuisine etc.etc. Just for a treat push aside those miniscule, picturesque meals and tuck into the following

Bonfire Night Potatoes.

I have happy memories of the potatoes wrapped in charred tin foil being scraped out of the embers of the bonfire, but in reality most of the time they were inedible! Try this in your oven at home:-

Par boil 1 large baking potato per person (plus two extra for the greedy folk) until almost cooked. Drain the potatoes and wrap in streaky bacon and then in foil. Pop these precious parcels in a hot oven (200 degrees C) and bake for 40 minutes. If like me you like crispy potato skins and crispy bacon, open up the foil for the last 10 minutes. Delicious as they are but even yummier with a bit of butter inside!

Bonfire Beans and Bangers.(feeds 4-6)

Easy to throw together and easy to reheat (just incase you have had to make that trip to Emergencies!)

In a large pan brown 12 chunky sausages - whichever are your favourite. Add a large tin of chopped tomatoes and 2 tins of baked beans. Season well with lots of pepper and add 2 bay leaves. Simmer, with the lid on, for about 30 minutes-until sausages are cooked through. Perfect with the Bonfire Night Potatoes!